Hundred Reasons Read online

  “Someone offered to buy the shop,” I said. “God, Dad, I was dead set against it. I could hear your voice in my head. I knew you would never want me to give up. You would never want me to roll over and sell. So, I didn’t. I’ve spent weeks fighting myself and everyone else. I refused to part with your legacy. But I ran out of options.”

  This time, I couldn’t stop the tears. They fell down my cheeks, chasing each other down my face as if they were desperate to reach the grass, each one faster than the last, and before I could stop it, I was fighting back sobs.

  “I failed you,” I said. “I tried so hard to do it on my own, but I couldn’t. The bank gave me until Friday. I only had two more days to find the money, and I had to ask Declan for help.”

  My dad’s voice echoed in my head. It was like he was suddenly standing right beside me, asking me who the hell Declan was.

  “He runs Gamble Realty,” I said. “He and his brother. They wanted to buy the shop. I told them no. Over and over. And then, well, Declan offered me something different. He offered to buy the shop but let me run it. He said he’d keep me on as a manager.”

  I wished more than anything that my dad could answer me. I wanted him to say something back, to tell me what he thought about Declan’s deal. Deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. Dad wasn’t around to help me make the decision. It was my choice.

  “I said no,” I said into the empty air. “Then, Mom talked me out of it. Or into it, I guess. She told me there was a way I could earn his help. You know me. I can’t take charity. But Mom was right. I offered to work for the realty company in exchange for Declan giving me the money I need.”

  My head fell back against the headstone. I longed to feel my dad’s arms wrap themselves around me, but this was the closest I would get.

  “The deal’s done,” I said. “He agreed. He’s going to come by the shop tomorrow so we can sort out the details, but once we do, everything will be okay again. I’ll keep the shop and work for the realty company on the side, I guess. At least I don’t have to say goodbye. Not yet.”

  Even though it was my choice to go to Declan, part of me wished I hadn’t. I’d saved the shop, but I still felt like I’d somehow failed. Maybe because I didn’t save the shop alone. Maybe because I had to accept help from someone.

  My feelings for Declan had become more complicated. I was grateful to him. I was attracted to him. I was intrigued by him. But part of me hated him for interfering. Part of me wished he had never entered my life.

  “I don’t know what to do, Dad.” I took a deep breath and kept going. “I like him. I can’t deny that anymore. But if anyone other than you asks, I will.”

  It was true. I would never admit my feelings for Declan, mostly because I still didn’t understand them myself. The only person who could have made sense of things for me was buried beneath my feet.

  “I miss you,” I told him. “I miss you now more than I ever have. I don’t know how to do all of this without you.”

  Fresh tears washed down my cheeks and fell onto the grass around me. I dug my nails into the ground, wishing I could have just five more minutes with my dad. Just five more minutes to ask him questions, to hug him, to tell him how sorry I was.

  “All I’ve ever wanted is to make you proud of me,” I whispered. “You gave me the shop and look what I’ve done to it. It hasn’t even been six months, and I’ve already almost lost it. You deserved better, Dad. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  It wasn’t logical. It didn’t make sense. But, as my eyes fell closed and the wind whipped across my tear-stained face, I could have sworn I heard his voice whisper back.

  It’s okay, Alex. You could never fail me. I love you, kid. Always have. Always will.

  29

  Declan

  It took hours before my encounter with Alex faded from my mind. The smell of her hair floated through my nostrils on and off all day, distracting me from my work. It wasn’t until I went home that night that I was able to focus on something else.

  Mila and I spent the evening working on her homework and eating dinner together. It was relaxing. Then, after Mila went to bed, the thoughts picked back up again, more insistent than ever. They haunted me through the entire night and well into the next morning.

  I sat behind my desk and let my mind spin itself in circles.

  When Alex had left, I was so sure of our deal. It made perfect sense. I wanted to help Alex, and she was finally willing to let me. She even came to me. It seemed great until it didn’t.

  Alex wanted me to give her the money. Then she would work it off both at the shop and at the realty company. She wanted to stay on as owner. She wanted the business to stay hers and only hers. And more than anything, I wanted to give her that.

  But, how could I?

  It didn’t make sense for my own company. Handing over thousands of dollars to save Tanner Bikes without gaining anything in return. How could I explain that to the board? To Samson? To my mother?

  The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t add up. Alex would still be the owner of Tanner Bikes while she worked off her debt, but then what? And in the meantime, would I have any say in the way the shop was run if Alex’s name remained the only one on the property’s lease?

  How could I really help her if I didn’t have the ability to make renovations? To expand the garage? To buy signage and advertisements?

  The truth was, I needed a stake in the company. I couldn’t just hand over the money, let Alex buy herself out of the hole, work off her debt, and then take full control of the company all over again. It didn’t make sense for Gamble Realty. We would lose money and never have a chance to make it back. By the time Tanner Bikes began turning a profit again, if it ever did, Alex’s debt would already be paid.

  Still, I couldn’t just change my mind. Alex only had two days to get the money. If I backed out of our deal, she would be screwed. I refused to do that to her.

  I didn’t have a solution to my problem. The only person I wanted to talk to about it was my brother, but I knew that wasn’t an option. Until everything was finalized, he couldn’t know anything about the deal I had with Alex. Otherwise, he would just get hurt.

  But, that didn’t mean I couldn’t talk to him about my other options. Alex asked to work for Gamble Realty. That was the one place I could start, so I paged Samson to my office and tried to focus on finding Alex a job with our company.

  “Hey, do you know of any openings?” I asked, trying to keep my voice casual.

  “Openings?” Samson asked with a frown. “Where?”

  “Here,” I said. “Where else?”

  “I don’t know,” Samson said. “I think they were looking for someone in human resources, but I’d have to ask Sally to be sure.”

  “All right.”

  I let the subject drop, and I hoped Samson would, too, but my hope was in vain. He stared at me across my desk until I finally met his questioning gaze.

  “What?” I asked impatiently.

  “You going to tell me what this is about or …” Samson waved his hand in the air.

  “I want to help Alex,” I said.

  “Alex?” Samson asked. “Alex Tanner?”

  “Yes,” I said. “She came to see me yesterday, and I, well, I just want to help her.”

  Again, I felt guilty for leaving out the details of our conversation. Samson knew about the offer I’d extended Alex, but he had no idea that she’d given me a counteroffer. I knew he would go insane with excitement if he knew. He’d already had his hopes jerked away from him once. I didn’t want to tell him anything until everything was in place.

  “Why did she come see you?” Samson asked suspiciously. He knew I was keeping something from him.

  “Because she’s scared of losing the shop,” I said. “You know the bank is closing in. She doesn’t have much time.”

  “Then, she should let us buy the damn shop,” Samson said. He threw his hands up in frustration. “Why is she being so stubborn about this?”


  “You know how it goes.” I shrugged. “People get sentimental. They let their emotions fuel their decisions.”

  Even me, I thought. I knew that was exactly what I was doing. My offer to Alex, my desire to help her, my willingness to agree to her counteroffer, even my decision to keep it all from Samson for now, it was all fueled by confusing emotions.

  “If she wants our help,” Samson said. “That’s the answer.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “But for now, let me know if you find any openings, all right?”

  “Sure,” Samson said. He shook his head and added, “I think she’s being ridiculous.”

  “You just started caring about your own job, so keep your mouth shut about things you don’t understand.”

  Samson snapped his head up in surprise. I didn’t mean to lose my cool. I thought my anger was subdued, but when Samson insulted Alex, I lost it. He didn’t know her. He’d only met her once, and already, he thought he could pass judgment on her decisions. It wasn’t right. I wanted to punch him for thinking he knew anything about her.

  “What the hell was that?” Samson asked.

  “Shut up about Alex, all right?” I said.

  I looked down at my desk. Paperwork was littered across the surface. I’d been in the middle of updating my spreadsheets when Samson showed up at my door. All I wanted to do was get back to work and forget our conversation ever happened.

  “Holy shit,” Samson said. He threw his head back and laughed. “You like her.”

  “What?” I snapped.

  “Alex,” he said. “You like Alex.”

  “I barely know her,” I said. I rolled my eyes to show that he was being stupid, but even I didn’t believe it.

  “If that were true,” he said, “then she wouldn’t have come to you for help.”

  “We ran into each other a few times,” I said. “Remember? That’s all it was.”

  “She came to you,” Samson said slowly. “After turning down your offer. That means you two are far more than just passing acquaintances.”

  “We’re becoming friends,” I said. “But that’s all. Besides, this is about business anyway. It’s not personal.”

  “Right,” Samson said. “It never is, huh?”

  “How many times have I told you that?” I asked. “I’m the one who taught you to stop caring about people and their sob stories.”

  “And yet, here you are,” he said. “Caring too much about Alex and her sob story.”

  “I’m not,” I began, but I didn’t know how to finish. Samson was absolutely right. I cared way too much about Alex and her repair shop. If she were anyone else, I wouldn’t have given her a second thought.

  “Just admit it,” Samson said. “You like her.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I just know that I want to help her.”

  “Okay,” Samson said. He held his hands up in surrender. “Fine. I’ll ask Sally about any openings. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

  “I’m sure we can find a place for her,” I said. “We always need extra help. We could use Alex for whatever.”

  “Or, maybe you could use her more than the company could.” Samson grinned, and I fought the urge to punch him.

  “Fuck off,” I said.

  “I’m just glad to see you’re still in there somewhere,” he said. “I was beginning to think you’d become a eunuch.”

  “Just talk to Sally, would you?”

  “Fine,” Samson said. “But we need to buy the shop. That’s the only thing that’s really going to help Alex. You know it, I know it, and deep down, so does she.”

  “I have an idea,” I said. “I think I know how I can help her. Just talk to Sally and trust me, all right?”

  “Okay.”

  Samson shrugged and left me alone to think, which was all I’d been doing since Alex left my office the day before. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t turn my brain off.

  I sat behind my desk and let my body go on autopilot. I finished updating my spreadsheets, answered a few emails, scoped out a few leads, and then left for the day.

  It was still early, but I had a stop to make before I picked Mila up from school. If I didn’t do it soon, I would lose my nerve. I would give myself even more time to think, and then Alex and I would both be screwed.

  “Forward my calls to my cell,” I told my secretary as I hurried down the hall.

  I jumped behind the wheel of my truck and drove across town. My palms were spreading sweat all over the steering wheel. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, my heart was pounding so hard, I could hear it in my ears.

  Putting the truck in park, I leaned back in my seat and didn’t move. I stared at the building in front of me for what felt like hours. I’d been dwelling on what to do and now, I finally had the solution, but that didn’t mean I was happy about it.

  All I could think about was Alex’s face when she asked me for help. She was torn up over the thought of losing her shop. I wanted to help her, but if she wasn’t willing to take my original offer, there wasn’t much I could do. She didn’t want a handout, and I didn’t want to give her one. Her idea was good. Work for me in exchange for the money, but it also only worked for her.

  How could I rationalize giving her the money when my name wouldn’t even be on the company paperwork? She would still maintain full control over Tanner Bikes. It wasn’t a bad thing. I loved the idea of helping Alex any way I could. More than anything, I wanted to see her smile and know I was the reason for it.

  But it didn’t make sense financially. Sure, I would probably get some of the profits in the meantime, but how much? Without renovations to the property, the shop would just continue to lose money. If I didn’t have some semblance of control, I couldn’t really help Alex. I was just putting a Band-Aid on the problem. Eventually, she would lose the shop anyway.

  Finally, I took a deep breath and pushed myself out of the truck. The bank’s doors looked like the gateway to hell as I walked toward them. As certain as I was of my decision, I still didn’t like it.

  There wasn’t an easy way to do business, and when you threw in emotions, everything became even harder. Complications were something I was used to. They’d arisen constantly over the past five years. I could handle any situation with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. But this? This was different.

  “Mr. Gamble,” a voice said when I stepped inside. “Glad to have you back. How can we help you today?”

  I turned to see a familiar face smiling at me. Dan was standing in the doorway of his office. I’d known him for years. He and my family were on good terms, which was why I knew this decision would work.

  “Dan,” I said. “I want to talk to you about an existing account you have with Tanner Bikes.”

  30

  Alex

  Thursday arrived and then left. Friday morning woke me with a sense of dread deep in my stomach. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the end. The money was due today, and I hadn’t heard a word from Declan. He promised to be in touch and still, nothing.

  Garret was waiting for me at the shop with coffee and donuts. He grimaced and ushered me into the office. The look in his eyes told me he was as upset as I was. We’d let ourselves hope. We allowed ourselves to believe Declan would come through, that he would help us. It was the first time I’d ever asked someone for help. I didn’t want to. I’d fought myself for days. And already, I’d been proven right. Asking for help was never the answer. All it did was set you up for even more disappointment.

  “It doesn’t make sense,” Garret said. “He wouldn’t back out of a deal like this. You sure he hasn’t called? Have you checked your messages?”

  “Of course, I have.” I took a bite of a donut and tried to keep the emotion out of my voice. “He probably changed his mind. He realized it didn’t make financial sense for his company or something.”

  “But he knew all that going in,” Garret said angrily. “He shouldn’t have agreed in the first place if he wasn�
��t going to see it through.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I know.”

  My anger was a muted version of Garret’s. I couldn’t bring myself to hate Declan. When I’d asked for his help, I knew it was a long shot. He wanted to buy the company, not lend me the money and have me work for him until it was paid off. It was a deal I prayed he’d like, and at the time, he did.

  “He must have changed his mind,” I said. “I can’t explain it.”

  “He’s a piece of shit,” Garret said firmly. “A complete and total piece of shit.”

  “Let’s not think about him,” I said. “Today is our last day here. It’s time we face reality and embrace it. After today, we will probably never step foot inside this shop again. It’ll be gone. And I, for one, don’t want to spend my last day here dwelling on my hatred for Declan Gamble.”

  Garret agreed, but I could still see the anger in his eyes. It was hard for me to feel as strongly as him because, if I was honest, I didn’t hate Declan. Not at all.

  If anything, I was just hurt. I trusted Declan. I let myself believe in him, and he’d let me down.

  Just as the thought entered my mind, I heard a truck pull into the parking lot. My first thought was that the bank had already come to seize the property. They were going to lock all the doors and take our keys. They were going to kick us out and never let us return. But it wasn’t the bank.

  I recognized Declan’s truck immediately. He pulled into a spot and hopped out of the truck without a care in the world. There was a smile playing at the corners of his lips. Seeing him felt like a punch to the stomach. I wanted to hug him again, but my confusion took precedence. Why was he here? He’d obviously changed his mind, so why show up now?

  “You’ve got to be kidding.” Garret glowered through the window as Declan walked up to the office.

  He pulled open the door and stepped inside. His eyes found mine immediately. The small smile on his face spread wider. His blue eyes were bright and full of emotion. My stomach dropped, but I shook myself back to reality. Declan wasn’t here for me. If anything, he was just here to gloat and rub my nose in my failure. The smile on his face was probably just a smirk, put in place to taunt me after my failure.