Billion Dollar Man Page 7

  The guy lifted his hand with a thumb up.

  “I would have been right there next to you,” he said. “The others are alive.” I hadn’t thought of telling him that his friends were okay. It was a great thing to do. “Jonas is badly hurt, but they’re saying he’ll live.”

  The firefighter nodded.

  “I’ll be back to see you again later,” Ben said.

  The firefighter showed thumbs up again, and Ben and I left the room. The second firefighter was breathing heavily, but he could speak. His arm was in a cast, and he had a concussion. His head had been bandaged.

  “Why aren’t you out there, fighting the fire?” he asked in a raw voice. He swallowed with difficulty.

  “I came to check on you guys. How are you doing?”

  “I could be better. How’s Jonas? He was behind me, and that wall fell on top of him.”

  Ben winced when he heard it.

  “He’s badly burned, leg fractured. He’s not awake yet, but he’s alive.”

  The guy nodded. “Thanks, man. I appreciate knowing. The things we do for fun, eh?”

  He laughed and erupted in a coughing fit.

  “I’ll be back to check on you later,” Ben said as he had told the other guy. “I’ll keep you updated about Jonas too.”

  “How are you in here?”

  “Friends in high places,” Ben said with a smile and gestured to me. I stood at the door, away from their conversation.

  The firefighter nodded a greeting at me.

  “Cool. Take care and let me know when they get that fire out. It’s a nasty fucker.” He looked guiltily at me. “Sorry.”

  I smiled and shook my head. This man had walked away with his life. I didn’t care if he swore in front of me.

  When we left the room, I turned to Ben and put my hands on his arms.

  “Go home, Ben. Get some rest, put your feet up, and try to relax. You may not be hurt, but you’ve been through trauma, too, and you need to take care of yourself.”

  “I want to stick around, make sure they’re okay,” he said.

  “I’ll make sure they’re okay. It’s my job. I’ll keep you updated, but you need to get out of here.”

  Ben sighed. “You’re right,” he said. “And you’re amazing. Thank you for all of this. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said.

  Ben hugged me again, and it was another hug that made me feel like he was holding onto me for dear life. I hated that Ben, the strong firefighter who usually saved lives, needed so much help. But I loved that I was someone he could lean on. I wanted to be there for him, and it was in my nature to protect and to nurture.

  When Ben finally let me go, he sighed another time.

  “I might have to take a day or two off work.”

  “See how you feel later, but it might not be a bad idea.”

  Ben nodded. I was glad he was starting to think straight about looking after himself. It meant he was going to be okay, after all. To be a part of an emergency response team, you didn’t only have to be physically strong and in good shape. It was a mental game as well. It was why so few people really made it. It was hard seeing such pain and trauma so many times over and still come out smiling on the other side. But if there were those among us who were strong enough to handle it, it was our duty to step up to the plate. The world needed heroes.

  And people like Ben and I could save the world one trauma at a time.

  When Ben turned around and walked away, I watched him all the way to the door. Only when he had disappeared into the afternoon sun did I remember we hadn’t talked about our kiss yet. But it hadn’t been the time or the place for a conversation like that. Too much had happened, and Ben had had too much on his mind to deal with something like that.

  In the grand scheme of things, a kiss was nothing compared to everything else we had gone through today. We could always talk about it some other time. We were still talking, and we had been in a good space today. That was enough for me, for now.

  Chapter 11

  Ben

  I struggled to sleep that night. Everyone was telling me it wasn’t my fault that it hadn’t happened because I had done anything wrong. It was purely a matter of circumstance that someone else had been injured instead of me.

  Logically that made sense. I knew Ted had called me back at the last minute to ask for advice. I knew Jonas had jumped at the opportunity to go into the warehouse instead, and the accident had been exactly that—an accident.

  But I couldn’t shake the guilt. I felt terrible that Jonas was fighting for his life, that his face was mangled beyond recognition, that he might not be able to fight fires for a long time to come, if ever. I felt like I was responsible for the difficult time that lay ahead of him and the pain he had to endure.

  The worst was that there was nothing I could do about it. I could pay for the best possible care and therapy there was. And I planned to do just that. I could be there for him every day and ensure that they were doing everything possible to help him. But no amount of money and time in the world could reverse what had happened, and I felt helpless. I hated it.

  On Wednesday morning, I was up before sunrise, and I changed into tracksuit pants and a T-shirt. I headed out, my legs eating up the road as I ran and ran with no direction or destination in mind. I had to get my mind straight, to clear my head.

  I ran until my thighs screamed at me and my lungs were battling to suck in enough air to sustain my body. I pushed myself further than I ever had before.

  And when I finally came home, despite my physical exhaustion, I felt no better.

  When visiting hours finally rolled around, I headed to the hospital. It was my off day, but even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have gone to the station. I walked into the hospital, only to be told I couldn’t visit patients in the ICU if I wasn’t a relative.

  “We’re practically brothers,” I argued.

  “Just because you’re both firefighters doesn’t make you brothers,” the nurse said. I was starting to get frustrated.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “Nurse Claire,” she said hesitantly.

  “Claire, if any of your colleagues were hurt this badly, wouldn’t you want to know what was going on? Please, I need to see Jonas. I need to see all of them.”

  Claire shook her head. “I’m sorry, but we have rules here, and I can’t break them for you. What stops me from doing the same for everyone else coming in here asking me to bend the rules because of special circumstances?”

  I groaned. “What if he dies?”

  “He’s not going to die,” Claire said. “We are taking good care of him, and we can do that because the place isn’t flooded with visitors. Only the select few get in for a reason.”

  I shook my head. It was pointless arguing with her. I turned around walked to the waiting room, planting myself down in one of the plastic chairs. I would wait here until something happened. Until they let me in or until I was forced to leave. Claire glanced at me and said something to a fellow nurse that didn’t look like it was positive.

  Whatever.

  Three hours later, Mila walked in. She stopped when she saw me.

  “Why are you waiting out here?”

  “They won’t let me see them,” I said.

  Mila shook her head. “Come with me. I’ll take you in.”

  “A nurse named Claire won’t be too happy with you,” I said bitterly.

  “Claire will be fine,” Mila said. “Come on.”

  I stood and followed Mila into the ICU. Claire came to us with a determined look on her face. She was going to remove me if she could help it.

  “You can’t just let him in here,” Claire said.

  “He deserves to see how they’re doing, Claire,” Mila said. “It’s not a standard thing. But if it were you in that bed, you would want me there. Right?”

  Claire sighed. “I hate it when you play on my empathic side.” She looked at me. “
Give me one reason to get rid of you and I will. I don’t care what Mila says.”

  I nodded. “Thank you,” I said.

  Mila took me to the firefighters’ rooms.

  Luke was the first. He’d had a tube down his throat when I was here yesterday, but it had been removed now. He looked pale and frail as if I had seen him months ago, not hours.

  “Hey, my man,” I said, sitting down next to his bed. Luke’s eyes fluttered open. “How are you doing?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” Luke said. “Nice to have a break for a change. I keep dreaming about flames everywhere.”

  “You’re going to be fine. You’re in good hands here.”

  “Why are you checking up on us?” Luke asked. “We’re not even in the same station.”

  I pulled up my shoulders. I would have been in the hospital with these guys. “I’m just making sure you’re okay.”

  Luke closed his eyes again. He was exhausted. Mila checked his vitals and nodded. He was okay. He wasn’t doing great by a long shot, but he was okay.

  Steve was in the second room, a guy I had seen a couple of times before during my training sessions. He grinned when I came in, and if it weren’t for the beeping machines that were hooked up to his lungs and heart, you would think he was on holiday with how he lounged in bed.

  “Skipping out on your duties, fireman?” he asked. His voice was still raw, and it looked like it was hard to talk, but he did it anyway.

  “I got the day off.”

  “And you thought you would hang out here with me? I guess I can’t blame you. The nurses are hot.”

  I chuckled. Being able to laugh and joke was a relief. It had been a tragedy, but so far, things were looking up. And he was right, the nurses were hot. At least, one of them was to me.

  “Did they get that fire out?” Steve asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, eventually they did. The warehouse is ruined, though.” I’d heard it on the news late last night when I hadn’t been able to sleep.

  “How’s Luke? And Jonas?”

  “I haven’t seen Jonas yet. Luke is okay. The tube is out, but he’s weak.”

  Steve nodded. “Yeah, playing hero will do that to you when it blows up in your face. Thanks for coming around today.”

  I nodded. So far, things were looking up. I was starting to slowly feel better about the whole thing. If everyone was out of the hospital safe and sound, then I would be happy.

  When we walked to Jonas’s room, I knew we weren’t in the clear yet. Jonas’s skin was terribly burned, and he didn’t seem to be conscious. His leg had been put in a cast, and machines whirred and beeped all around him, making the room seem like something from a sci-fi movie. I carefully walked to his bed.

  “What happened?” I asked. He looked worse off than yesterday.

  “He had a rough night,” Mila said, reading his chart. “He’s in a chemically induced coma until the burns heal a bit. The pain is too much.”

  I swallowed hard. It was a lot to deal with. After Luke and Steve had looked better, I had hoped the same would be true for Jonas. But he was in a bad way, and I felt guilty all over again. I was upset and emotional.

  Mila could tell.

  “Let’s grab a coffee at the cafeteria,” Mila said.

  “Don’t you have work?”

  She shook her head. “Claire will cover for me. They’ll call me if it’s serious.”

  I nodded. I could do with something strong. Stronger than coffee would be better, but it was too early to drink, and if I started, I wouldn’t stop.

  Coffee would do.

  We walked to the cafeteria together and found a table near the windows. I looked out at the bright sunshine. Despite things going wrong, the world kept on turning, and it was a beautiful day.

  “How are you doing?” Mila asked.

  I shrugged. “It’s tough to handle, but I’m better than yesterday. I feel like a fool for falling apart like that and succumbing to shock and terror.”

  “That’s normal,” Mila said.

  “It’s not for me. I’m usually so on top of things. I’ve never dealt with something like this before, though.”

  “I’ve seen the strongest and best of men crumble in situations like this,” Mila said. “Don’t blame yourself for not being able to shrug it off and move on.”

  She was right. About all of it, yesterday and today. I was so glad to have Mila at my side through all of this. I was very lucky to have someone as great as her with me. She was the type of woman I had always wanted.

  My mind suddenly jumped to the kiss we had shared in the cab. It felt like a lifetime ago now. We hadn’t talked about it yet. So much had happened since then.

  I wanted to talk to Mila about it. I wanted to get clear on where we were headed. Especially after what had happened with the accident and how wonderful Mila had been through it all.

  “Mila,” I started. “I’ve been meaning to—”

  My phone rang, cutting me off. I picked it up and looked at the screen, not recognizing the number.

  “It might be another emergency,” I said.

  “Of course, take it,” Mila urged.

  “Yeah?” I answered.

  “Mr. Atwood. This is Amy, Mr. Lambert’s assistant.”

  “Yes, Amy,” I said. It had taken me a moment to shift from Portland to the offices in New York, but I had dealt with Uncle Dean’s assistant now and then. “What is it?”

  She started crying.

  “What happened?” I asked, my stomach sinking and dread making my body heavy.

  “Mr. Lambert was in a plane crash last night. I’m afraid he didn’t make it.” She broke down in sobs, and my blood ran cold. My ears started ringing. It was just one thing after the next.

  “What about Mrs. Lambert?” I asked.

  “She’s okay. Devastated but safe.”

  I sighed in relief. At least Penny was all right. I had to get out there and at least be there for Penny. I hadn’t been nearly as close to her as to Uncle Dean, but she had treated me as a son, the same way Uncle Dean had.

  “I’ll be there on the next flight,” I said.

  “What’s wrong?” Mila asked when I hung up.

  “My Uncle Dean passed away. I have to go to New York to take care of business.” I stood up and started walking away, my body on autopilot and my mind a mess when I remembered the coffee. I fished money out of my wallet and put it on the table.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to go,” I said to Mila.

  “I understand,” she said and stood up, giving me a hug. I barely felt her body pressing against mine. When she pulled away, I left the hospital. I couldn’t think straight. It felt like everything was crashing down all around me. As if the accident hadn’t been bad enough with firefighters in the hospital in my stead, now I had lost someone who had been closer to me than a father. Uncle Dean had been so much more than a mentor.

  Now, he was gone. It was hard to believe how everything was spiraling. How was I supposed to deal with all of this? I had no idea how I was going to get through this and hold onto every part of myself in the process.

  Chapter 12

  Mila

  My heart went out to Ben. Everything seemed to be going wrong for him, and the hits just kept on rolling. First, the guilt from the fire and everything Ben had been struggling with since the fire had taken place yesterday. Now, he’d lost his uncle. I could only imagine how much he had to be struggling.

  I knew it was hard, and I had been through enough pain myself to know what it was like to deal with loss. I hadn’t ever lost someone in the sense of the death of a loved one, but I had lost a lot of patients who had felt as personal to me as if they had been family. Ben was going to have a tough time ahead.

  I wished I could be there for him the way he needed me. Until now, I had been there, trying to comfort him in his time of need. I had offered to be a shoulder he could cry on, a pillar of strength when he felt like he was swaying in the wind. But with his uncle gone and his sudden trip to Ne
w York, I couldn’t be there for him. Not in the way I wanted to.

  A part of me hoped he had someone to lean on there when he arrived in New York. But the possibility of it being a woman scared me, and I hoped that it wasn’t the case. Ben and I were nothing more than friends to each other, despite the kiss we had shared. Nothing stopped him from finding someone else in his time of sorrow. But I wanted him to myself and I was jealous.

  Which was ridiculous. The man had just heard that his uncle had died. He was hardly thinking about finding love and jumping into relationships. I was just being silly.

  The best thing I could do was be there for him when he needed me, to try to comfort him to the best of my ability, and to help him through this difficult time where I could. Nothing more.

  I was distracted during the rest of my shift. I ran through my duties only half-paying attention to them. It was quiet, considering the chaos that had reigned in the ICU with the warehouse fire that had brought in so many patients. Even though there were patients who needed caring for and chores I needed to do, nothing needed my full attention the way it had been the last couple of days.

  It was a blessing and a curse. I didn’t have to be fully attentive, but it gave me more time to think about Ben and what he was going through. And what had happened between us. It only confused me more. I hated being so unsure of myself. I had felt this insecure last when I was a teenager. After I had found my direction in life, everything had fallen into place for me. Of course, Ben had been gone by then.

  Now, he was back. And he had turned everything upside down for me.

  “Is everything okay?” Skylar asked at dinner. We had met at a restaurant on Friday night after a hellish week at work. After everything that had gone wrong during the past week, I needed social interaction and a place to vent.

  The restaurant was warm and cozy, reminding me of the place my parents owned. We hadn’t gone there. I had too much on my mind, and I couldn’t exactly talk to Skylar about Ben when my parents and my brother were hovering around in the background. Things were complicated enough already.