Camden (The Casanova Club Book 13) Page 7

  And Dad lost it. The tree was knocked down. Ornaments smashed on the hardwood floors. Mom went to her knees, and her blanket fell open as she tried to salvage pieces of sentimental bells and baubles and angels. Dad stomped on them with his socked feet.

  She screamed bloody murder at him. He screamed right back.

  Piper nudged me in the ribs. “We make a good team, don’t you think? I feel bold enough to say it might be the most beautiful tree in New York tonight.” She flashed me a cocky grin. Her smile fell away as she stared at me. “Camden?”

  With my mother’s scream echoing in my ears, I moved to the tree, unplugged the lights, and brushed past Piper to go upstairs to my bedroom, where there was no trace of Christmas and no reminders of the childhood memories that were so much easier to leave in the past for the eleven other months of the year.

  Chapter 11

  Piper

  Camden left for work at seven-thirty in the morning on Wednesday, just like he had the last two mornings after our Christmas decorating extravaganza on Sunday evening.

  I stayed in my room until I heard him leave.

  I tried to tell myself I wasn’t avoiding him, but it was a bold-faced lie. The last place I wanted to be was around Camden. His moods were unpredictable, and I still wasn’t sure what had gone wrong on Sunday night. For the first time all month, things had been going smoothly. He was laughing. Joking. Teasing.

  We’d shared some laughs and a pleasant evening sipping wine and decorating the tree. It had been going better than I could have hoped.

  And then, just like that, everything changed.

  In a moment.

  I remembered standing beside him, gazing at the tree in all its glory. I saw wonder and magic and joy. And I could have stood there soaking up the sight of the tree for so much longer. I loved the way the lights danced and reflected against the sparkly ornaments. I loved how cozy and inviting it all looked. And warm, too. It was a place I wanted to be.

  Since that night, the tree had remained unlit.

  It stood against the backdrop of the city down below, dull and dark, its precious ornaments lonely and sad upon its evergreen branches. It served as a reminder that things between Camden and me were just as they were when I first arrived: strained and forced.

  At seven forty-five, I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, where I boiled water for a cup of green tea. I added a drop of honey and sipped my tea in my favorite spot on the sofa. I stared at the tree, wishing things were different before deciding there was no harm in having it plugged in while Camden was at work.

  I’d gone through all the effort to make this happen. And he’d spent a lot of money, too. One of us might as well enjoy it.

  Once the tree was on, I sat back down and let out a small sigh.

  The lights didn’t make me feel any less lonely.

  So in an effort to bring some warmth into my heart, I called Janie. She was getting ready for work and had just stepped out of the shower, so she put me on speakerphone while she put her makeup on.

  “So tell me how things are going with Camden. What’s his place like? I can’t believe you get to spend Christmas in The Laurient.”

  I sipped my tea and drew my knees up to my chest. “It’s beautiful. It feels like I’ve left the country. Like I’m somewhere else entirely. He’s… he’s very wealthy, Janie.”

  My best friend snickered. “Yep, he sure is. He’s definitely got the most moolah out of all your bachelors. I suppose it makes sense. He is the oldest. What’s he like?”

  “Erm. Reserved.”

  “Reserved? I’m going to need a better adjective than that.”

  “He’s… I don’t know. He’s hard to figure out. I think I’m here at the wrong time of year for us to start any kind of relationship. Even a friendship feels unlikely at this point.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. He hates Christmas, you know?”

  “I did not know that. That sucks. What a Scrooge.”

  I smiled at the validation of her words. At least I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. “Yeah. But I think he has good reason to hate the holidays. But he won’t let me in. He won’t let me help him.”

  “Piper,” Janie said sternly. “Take a step back and look at this from a new perspective with me. You don’t want to fall for another guy, right? Why make things even harder in your final month? You have a lot to contend with at the end of December. Maybe you should just stop trying this month, you know? Let him hate Christmas. Let him be an ass. Then you can walk away at the end of the month and not have to worry about hurting another dude.”

  The logic was sound, but it didn’t sit right with me. “But if he’s hurting and I can help him, shouldn’t I at least try?”

  “Oh good lord, Piper. You’re too soft for this Casanova bullshit.”

  “Yes. Well, it would have been nice to know that at the beginning of the year.”

  I sighed as I gazed at the tree. “He has unresolved issues, Janie. Serious ones. Ones that I think stem back to his childhood. There’s trauma there. I just wish I could help him move through it. To see that Christmas can be more than just the bad memories and he still has a chance to make new, better ones.”

  “You’re not his therapist.”

  “I never said I was, but I think he might just need someone to guide him through this. Someone firm but understanding.”

  “And you’re going to be that someone for him?”

  “I hope so. Maybe that can be my Christmas gift to him.” I shifted in my seat and smiled at the thought. “Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Helping others? Finding a need and filling it where you can?”

  Janie groaned. I heard her set down her makeup brush hard. “Or you could just spare yourself the trouble and the hurt of saying goodbye and buy him a fucking scarf or some shit and be done with it like a normal person.”

  I couldn’t do that.

  Janie was moving around on the other end, most likely getting dressed for work. “I’m guessing your silence means you will not be pursuing the easy option?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Just be careful, Piper. Digging into people’s pasts when they don’t want you to can be tricky business. Especially a man like Camden Wood. Men with money like what he has operate at a different level. If he wants people to stay out of his business and you start rooting around… well, he might not like that very much.”

  “He doesn’t have to like it.”

  “You’re being reckless,” Janie warned.

  “Pain is pain, Janie. And I can tell he’s in a lot of pain. Even if he doesn’t know it or hasn’t accepted it yet. Christmas doesn’t have to make him feel those things. I can save him from a lot of really hard years if he just lets me in. And worst-case scenario, I abandon ship and go home. What have I got to lose?”

  Janie let out a little grunt as she got dressed. “It’s twenty nineteen. How have we not gotten to a point where clothes don’t shrink in the wash? Fucking skirt won’t zip up. Hold on.” I listened to her struggle to get into her skirt. When she managed, she exhaled a relieved breath. “All right. Sorry, Pipes. To answer your question? You’ve got nothing to lose. Just don’t let your little pet project bring you two close enough together where you fall for each other, okay?”

  “I know, Janie. You seriously think I don’t know that?”

  “Yes. I do think you don’t know that. Because you’re throwing yourself into another potential shit show with no regard for how much it might hurt you in three weeks.” She slowed her words down. “Piper, in three weeks, you are going to accept the million dollars from Jackson Lee and all the men are going to be hurt. And you have to live with that. Don’t you want to make it eleven instead of twelve if you can? Like you said, pain is pain. And one less man in pain is a good thing even if he is being an ass. Right?”

  I bit my bottom lip. “I won’t let it get that far.”

  “You also said you weren’t going to fall for Max. How did that go for you?”<
br />
  I hated hearing his name. It reminded me of how much I missed him and his touch and the way he put his hands on me to remind me I was his. I thought of the pier and the flight home and the way his body crushed against mine when neither of us had the strength to resist the other.

  “Max was different.”

  “No, Piper. He wasn’t.”

  I studied the lit Christmas tree. It was a symbol of hope. Of love. Of kindness and understanding and compassion. Of giving.

  And I had a chance to give something that had the potential of being more meaningful than any other gift. I could give Christmas back to a man who had lost it somewhere along the way. That didn’t mean we had to fall in love. There didn’t have to be strings attached. I could do this without romance playing a role.

  And Christmas wouldn’t be wasted here if I succeeded. Or failed. At least I’d tried.

  “I have to help him, Janie,” I said softly.

  Janie let out a tired sigh. I could picture her standing in her bedroom in her bra, nylons, and skirt, exasperated with me and my bullshit with a hand pressed to her forehead. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “I know you do, Pipes. You’re a better person than I am.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “We both know it is.” Janie laughed.

  I laughed too, and it felt good. I hadn’t felt genuine happiness since Camden unplugged the tree on Sunday and left me in the living room without saying a word.

  “Call me if you need to talk, Pipes. I have to head to work. I love you. All of this will be over in three weeks. Just three more weeks. You can get through this.”

  I smiled. “I love you too.”

  She ended the call, leaving me sipping my tea in front of the tree.

  Three more weeks. Three wildly busy, stressful, high-stakes weeks.

  There was Camden’s office Christmas party—which might not even happen anymore depending on how things went. There was the Casanova Christmas party, a glaring red spot on my calendar that invoked more stress than anything else. Then Christmas itself. And then, on the thirty-first, the moment this entire year had been leading to.

  The end of the Casanova Club.

  I didn’t know what things would look like. Would I stand before all the men and have to accept the money in front of them? Would they be looking me in the eyes when they found out I wasn’t choosing any of them? Would I have to see their disappointment and betrayal firsthand?

  I hoped Jackson would let me make my decision in private. Maybe he would break the news for me.

  I knew how idealistic that sounded.

  There was no way I was getting through it without seeing their faces. And when I saw them at the Christmas party, I would be carrying the weight of the truth in my heart, and they would be oblivious. Some of them would genuinely believe things would end well for us.

  But there was no us.

  There never had been.

  Chapter 12

  Camden

  An email from the office manager popped up on my computer at work on Friday morning.

  Only twelve days until Christmas!

  That means only 8 days until our annual office Christmas party. Some friendly reminders to those of you who are attending:

  Please arrange for safe transportation to and from the event. Camden and Bradley have no toleration for drunk driving. You will be reported to the NYPD.

  There will be donations accepted of perishable items upon your arrival, and the cash bar goes to providing clothes and blankets to the homeless, as well as gifts from Santa to the children. Please bring cash to help the kids and ensure you have a fun evening.

  This is a formal event. Dress to impress.

  The party is kid-friendly from 7pm-9pm. During that time, Santa will be here with his elves to entertain your little ones. Family photos are free of charge.

  Thank you for your time. See you all at the party!

  Merry Christmas,

  Sandra

  I deleted the email and regretted inviting Piper to the party. At this point, I had no interest in attending.

  I minimized the open tabs on my computer and leaned back in my chair. It groaned in soft protest as I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling.

  I was right back to my old ways. I left home early and stayed late at the office to avoid being with Piper. I’d let her down, and I couldn’t easily explain away my sudden shift on Sunday night when we looked upon our Christmas tree in all its glory in the dark living room.

  She wouldn’t understand. Not only that, but I didn’t want to bring her down with me. She loved the holiday. Why burden her with my childhood sob story? Everyone had baggage. Piper included.

  It was probably best to let her enjoy her favorite holiday without my melodrama tainting it.

  There was a knock on my door, and Bradley let himself in without waiting for my invitation. He closed the door behind him and shrugged out of his jacket, which he tossed over the armrest of my sofa before claiming the chair opposite me at my desk.

  “Morning,” I said.

  Bradley rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “Morning.”

  I waited for him to tell me what he was doing here. He didn’t. So I asked.

  “I wanted to see how things were going,” Bradley said.

  “Going?”

  He stared blankly at me. “With the girl.”

  “Piper.”

  “Yeah. Piper.”

  I leaned to the side and ran a thumb along my jaw. “It’s all right.”

  “Just all right? Jesus, man. If I was single and had a girl like that hanging around my place, you bet your ass I’d be making sure things are going better than just ‘all right.’ What’s going on?”

  What was going on?

  I almost laughed.

  For starters, I felt more drained than I ever had in my life, like I’d been spread thin and stretched to my maximum capacity between Piper and work and the holiday season. All I wanted to do was retreat into a cool dark place until the season ended and the new year rolled in, bringing with it clearer skies and mental clarity.

  And distance from all this Christmas bullshit.

  “Well, lucky for Piper, you have a wife,” I said.

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny. You know what I meant. She’s a bombshell. Why are you wasting an opportunity like this, man?”

  “I’m just not feeling it.”

  Bradley eyed me suspiciously. Of everyone in my life—and there weren’t many—Bradley was the one person who would always tell it like it was. He wasn’t afraid of what others in the office referred to as the Camden Wrath. Lucky for him, he’d never suffered it. Probably because I respected the hell out of him and could never bring myself to turn my anger in his direction.

  He was a loyal friend, and what he had to say, regardless of whether I disagreed with it, held weight with me.

  “What’s really going on, Cam?”

  I searched his eyes for an escape from this conversation. Sometimes, there’d be a break in the wall, and I’d see a way to talk my way out of a serious conversation. If his attention wasn’t really here and half his mind was distracted with work or his family, I’d sometimes be able to skirt around things like this. But today, he was attentive and dialed in. His eyes danced back and forth between mine, and his brows drew together.

  “Well?” he pressed. “How long are you going to leave me waiting?”

  “Nothing is going on.”

  “Bullshit. I can read you like a book, and you know it. This isn’t about the girl, is it?”

  “Piper,” I said. I didn’t like her being referred to as the girl.

  “Sorry. Yes. Piper. This isn’t about her.”

  “No,” I admitted. “I suppose it’s not.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Bradley knew full well what was bothering me. There were no secrets between us. He knew how much I hated Christmas, and he knew why I hated it. It wasn’t the holiday itself but the memories it brought with it. Where other people lo
oked forward to the arrival of Christmas music and lights, I saw them as nothing but a reminder of the pain of my childhood.

  It was a kick in the gut every year.

  “I’m not handling the season well,” I finally admitted.

  Bradley nodded. There was sympathy and understanding in his eyes but no pity. And I was eternally grateful to him for that. “You mean Christmas.”

  “Yes. Christmas. My fucking head is consumed with memories I can easily push away all other times of the year. But with Christmas everywhere and impossible to avoid, it’s like the world is screaming at me to remember all those shitty nights when I was a kid. And remembering them is the last thing I want to do.”

  Bradley nodded. “I get it, man. I do. And I think maybe it’s time you talk to someone about this shit. Someone who can help.”

  “I talk to you.”

  “We both know I’m a useless sack of shit when it comes to doing anything about this, Cam. I try to help. I have for years. But I don’t know how to make this better for you.”

  “I don’t need someone to make it better. I just need someone to talk to. And that’s what I have you for.”

  Bradley smiled. “While I appreciate the vote of confidence, let’s be serious for a second here. I hardly count as someone helpful to talk to. I have issues as tall as this fucking building. I started a company with you. I’ve clearly got a screw or two loose.”

  I smiled. He made valid points.

  “What about Piper? How are things with her? I’m sure she’s noticed how you are this time of year.”

  I massaged my temple with one hand. “Oh yeah. She’s noticed.”

  “Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

  I grimaced.

  “That bad?” Bradley asked.

  I told him all about my efforts to bring Christmas to Piper and how I had the best intentions of not ruining her holidays simply because I couldn’t stomach them. Bradley commended my efforts until I told him about how it all fell apart on Sunday evening.

  “You just left her there?” Bradley asked.