Slow & Steady #3: A Shameless Southern Nights Novel Read online

  “Very,” I lied. I’d been so convinced when Sonny and I were together that all I ever wanted was normal, that it felt wrong to backtrack now. The truth, however, was that I was bored and missed life with Sonny as much as I missed the man himself.

  Disbelief clear in her emerald eyes, Karen nodded slowly. “Okay, well, that’s great then.”

  “Awesome.” Shame I couldn’t muster a little more enthusiasm. “With everything being calm, I’ll move back to my place later this week.”

  Ready or not to go home, I had to do it at some point. I didn’t want to be a bother to Karen, and it felt like I was starting to overstay my welcome. Karen shrugged her shoulders, her blond curls bouncing. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know.” She made it plenty clear I could stay with her until I was ready to leave. “But I want to. It’s time. It’s been a week. I can’t live on your couch forever.”

  She pouted, rubbing her palm over the smooth fabric. “It’s a pretty comfortable couch.”

  “Can’t argue with that, but it’s also not home. If I really want things to go back to normal, then I need to get back to my apartment.” The argument made sense to my brain, but my heart wasn’t in it.

  “As long as you remember you’re welcome to come back anytime. You hear me?” With a last meaningful look at me, she got up and headed off to shower.

  I washed the breakfast dishes, the least I could do since she’d cooked and I hadn’t really eaten. All the while, I stared out the small window above the sink and pondered my immediate future. I learned the hard way that people leave you, even when they don’t want to.

  Because of that lesson, I knew I was responsible for my own happiness, and I’d chased it wholeheartedly. Somewhere over the course of the last few months though, what made me happy had changed.

  And that scared me. I couldn’t chase what made me happy now.

  In fact, I’d run away from it. Why? Because it wasn’t what I thought my happiness should look like. It didn’t fit the mold I’d made for myself. Okay, and because I was tired of being babied and shielded. I didn’t want to live in the dark.

  Did I regret walking away from the one person who made me truly happy in longer than I could remember? No, I decided firmly.

  I shook my head as I heard Karen come out of the bathroom, rinsed the soap from the dishes off my hands and patted them dry before I grabbed a shower myself.

  I couldn’t regret it. It was my choice; now I had to hunker down and deal with it. Learn to live with the consequences of my decisions.

  Two hours later at the library, I wondered how long it was going to take me to get used to living with the consequences. My new normal was the same as my old normal, but it was the in between that I missed.

  Things were slow at work all day. It wasn’t until after lunch that I realized I was bored. Since my job allowed me to work among thousands upon thousands of the most intriguing stories and beloved characters of all time, I always considered myself lucky to do what I did for a living.

  In the past, the monotony of it never bothered me. I had so many worlds around me I could get lost in, I never had time to get bored.

  This week I was struck by it every day: the monotony, the routine, the mundane.

  It’ll pass. I told myself firmly, dragging the returns cart along behind me. You’ll get back into it. Everything will be fine.

  Expelling a heavy breath, I stopped and was about to restore some history books to their rightful place when I saw an older woman approach me. She was shorter than I was, with cherry red lips and cheeks. Her silver hair curled where it touched her shoulders, and she wore an over-sized sweater I would put money on being homemade.

  If ever I’d seen one of those ladies they photographed for homemade food magazines or packages in real life, it would’ve been her. It might’ve been my imagination, but I swore I even caught a whiff of cookie dough and butter when she came to a stop about two feet away from me.

  “I’m sorry to be a bother, dear,” she said, lips curling into a shy smile. Her round green eyes met mine. “If you could point me in the right direction, I would be ever so grateful. I’m looking for the action and adventure section, but I can’t seem to find it.”

  “It’s no bother,” I assured her, surprising myself when I found it was true. I was grateful for the distraction, however brief it might be.

  She was the first person to talk to me in hours. Being quiet and alone was my thing—given how introverted I was, but I was glad for the company now. “Follow me. I’ll walk with you. Why don’t you tell me if there’s any author, in particular, you’re after?”

  “Not really.” She bounced her head from side to side, screwing up her nose. “I have a few favorites, but I’m always on the lookout for new discoveries.”

  “Excellent.” I brightened. This was a part of my job I always enjoyed, trying to link readers with new authors they might learn to love. Perhaps this was a sign that I just had to relax, embrace my routines instead of fighting against returning to them. “I have a few suggestions you might like, but tell me what you like about the genre first. It might help me pinpoint a few places we can start.”

  With her eyes lighting up, she explained. “I like everything, really. I’m after the escape a good adventure novel provides, you know?”

  “Escape?” I read to immerse myself in make-believe worlds as much as anyone else, but without a clear idea of what she was looking for, it would be nearly impossible to find the right fit for her.

  She nodded enthusiastically, holding up her fingers on one hand to push them down one by one as she spoke. “The ultimate hero defeating the supervillain, plots to take over the world, submarines and treasure, and car chases. Clues hidden in cities for centuries. Anything so fantastical and exciting that it takes me away from my life and propels me somewhere wonderful and intriguing.”

  “I know what you mean. A good book should make you feel like you’ve been on vacation.” Smiling, we stopped at the row that housed the section she was looking for. I ran my index finger down some of the titles on the shelf closest to me, locating a bestseller by an author who was gaining popularity. “People have been raving about this one. It’s about—”

  “I trust you.” The woman took the book when I handed it to her and didn’t bother to read its cover before hugging it to her chest. “If you think it has any of those things I mentioned, I’ll give it a try. Besides, anything to escape the monotony, right?”

  My head jerked back in surprise. Was the kind, adventure seeking lady psychic? “Monotony?”

  “Well, of course, dear. Isn’t that what the escape is about?” Her soft smile lifted her pink cheeks, but sadness dulled her eyes. “Life has been good to me, but I shied away from too much excitement. Responsibility and routine, I always said. Those are the important things to live a stable life. I don’t regret it. However, I do wish I would’ve been a touch more open to the possibility.”

  I swayed slightly on my feet, feeling like her words landed a physical blow. My hopes that embracing my routine would eventually satisfy me again came crashing to the ground in a spectacular reality check I didn’t expect.

  The sadness in her eyes paralyzed me. Was I looking into a mirror of my future? She said she didn’t regret anything, but her eyes told a different story. Would I end up like her? Trying to find adventure and excitement in my life in the pages of a novel?

  More importantly, was that what I really wanted?

  Chapter Three

  Sonny

  “How’ve you been, Lovett?” Zach asked, stepping into the break room at the station as I picked up my coffee to return to my desk.

  Truth was, I felt like hell.

  Sleep had been toying with me since Niki left, teasing but never quite allowing me the solace I needed. At least when I still had the investigation to focus on, there was some distraction at times—a bigger picture and proving my father’s innocence that made my misery worthwhile.

  Since I didn’t ha
ve that anymore, I was screwed. My mind spun on thoughts about how thoroughly I’d blown it with Niki.

  I shrugged. “Ask me again after I’ve had this coffee. It’s got a lot riding on it.”

  Zach frowned and glanced down at my mug. “Straight coffee today?”

  “I needed a pure shot of caffeine.” I’d also added an extra, heaped spoon of coffee in the hope that it would keep me alert enough to get me through my shift. Awake was a relative term for me these days. Without a decent night of sleep in over a week, I was running on fumes.

  “Which brings me back to my original question. How have you been? We haven’t talked for a few days.” He strode to the coffee pot in the corner and helped himself to a mug, wincing when he took the first swig. “Jesus. Who made this? I think they got the measurements wrong. It’s strong enough to raise the damn dead.”

  If only. I sure wouldn’t have minded getting Maclin into a room one last time. I had a few questions he could answer. “No mistake. I needed an extra kick this morning.”

  Zach’s dark eyes widened, and a worried crease appeared between his eyebrows. “I’m guessing the answer to my question then is that you haven’t been doing so well. What happened?”

  Sliding my eyes from his to the bullpen on the other side of the break room window, I lowered my voice and kept an eye out to make sure no one was approaching. I couldn’t go into any detail about my conversation with Darren, but I could tell Zach the basics. “Hanson found out I’d been digging around in my father’s case. He wasn’t happy, told me to stay away from it all. Or else.”

  “Formal charges?” Zach mouthed, eyebrows jumping.

  He managed to fill in the “or else” part pretty effectively. I tapped my nose. “It was a lovely conversation.”

  “Sorry to have missed it,” Zach replied with a smirk before his gaze sobered again. He walked to the sink and added a dash of water to his coffee, talking over his shoulder. “Honestly, maybe staying out of it isn’t such a bad idea. This is no ordinary situation. I know you want to be on the inside to know what’s going on with the investigation. But with everything that’s happened, it might be better in the long run for you not to be involved right now.”

  And didn’t I know it. There was a reason it was frowned upon for people to be involved in cases in which they had a personal interest. Especially at this level, a family member as part of the investigative team left plenty of room for conjecture and questions about bias and prejudice later on.

  The problem was that I couldn’t let it go.

  Since Hanson linked the suspicious money transfers, Maclin, and Harris to my father’s case, we couldn’t operate under the guise of me assisting with only the murder investigation any longer. It probably would’ve gone better for me if I’d told Hanson everything from the beginning, including all the different suspicions I had about it being connected to Dad, and let him do his job.

  But of course, I hadn’t been able to take that step back. Because I wasn’t exactly objective.

  I pretended to be thinking over Zach’s suggestion and nodded slowly. “Maybe you’re right. I’m up to my eyeballs in this, and I’ve been strictly ordered to stay away.”

  As much as I respected Zach as a colleague and loved him as a friend, I wasn’t telling him the truth now. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because if I was going to do what I wanted to do, no one could know. It was the only chance I had of getting information and steering clear of facing charges at the same time.

  Zach’s lips curled into a relieved grin, and he exhaled a breath I hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s good, Sonny. Great, actually. These people are dangerous, and the GBI’s got it covered.”

  We walked out into the bullpen together, pausing when we got to the partition where we would be splitting up. Zach had to go left to the evidence room, and my desk was to the right. “Yeah, I’m sure they do. I guess I have to learn to live with it.”

  Easier said than done, on all counts.

  “You will,” he assured me before hurrying off to get to work. I walked to my desk and set my coffee down, staring at the mug for a fraction of a second before making my decision. Instead of settling in behind my desk like the other officers, I grabbed my keys and headed out.

  There was one person left I could tap for information. Yates, the creepy groundskeeper at the cemetery, didn’t want to talk to me, but he wouldn’t talk to the GBI and bust me for going to him either. I knew he knew much more about what was going on in this town than he was letting on.

  I desperately needed to know what he knew.

  Yates was the only groundskeeper at the cemetery and was always there. He was raking leaves when I arrived, muttering under his breath. Looking up when he heard me approach, the rake stilled in his hands, and he leaned on it.

  “Officer Lovett,” he wheezed, reaching up with one hand to smooth his patchy gray hair. “Your mother will be so happy you came to visit her.”

  I suppressed the shiver that wanted to run down my spine. The man was always talking about the dead and commenting on “visiting” them. It was part of the reason everyone thought he had several screws loose.

  Storming up to him, I got right in his face. I had tried being polite, indirect, straightforward, and plain old fishing with him before, but none of it worked. This was the best tactic I had left.

  “This is your last chance to tell me what you know, Yates. I’m done fucking around.”

  “I know the dead around here have ears,” Yates whispered, his eyes darting from side to side. “Have you heard the legend of the woman in white who haunts these parts? They say she—”

  More fables and dancing around my questions. I was sick of getting this shit from Yates. Almost without needing to think about it, I threw him against a tree and drew my weapon, holding it to the side. I didn’t intend to go further but wanted to make my point.

  “Enough, Yates. It’s time to answer my questions.”

  A commanding voice behind me captured my attention, nearly drowning out the sound of the person cocking their own gun. “Drop it, Sonny. Drop your weapon right now.”

  My stomach sank.

  That was Darren Hanson’s voice.

  I was fucked. Maybe I’ll get to be Dad’s roomie for a couple of months. That would give us time to talk.

  Lowering my gun, I turned to face the GBI agent. He had his hand out. I knew what he wanted before he told me. “Give me your badge and your gun, Officer Lovett. I thought we agreed you would stay out of this.”

  “Agreed is such a strong term.” He’d told me to stand down, but there was no agreement. Even so, I reluctantly placed my gun in his outstretched hand. My badge followed. I glowered at him, feeling like I’d lost a limb for handing over those two items. “Happy now?”

  Raising both his eyebrows, he gave me a pointed look before lowering his own weapon. “Not in the least.”

  I put my wrists together, holding them out to him as I said dryly. “Guess you’d better bring me in, then. I’m sure you’ll sleep much better tonight knowing you put such a dangerous criminal as myself away today. You know, since my family is obviously the black stain on this town.”

  Darren cringed at my hostility, but he didn’t stand down. “I don’t think arresting you is necessary. I didn’t hear you specify to Mr. Yates over here exactly what it was you wanted him to tell you.”

  I blinked. Confusion didn’t begin to cover what I was feeling. Why was he pointing out technicalities to bypass his own threat of arresting me if I didn’t do as he said?

  Dropping my hands, I took a step back and looked over at Yates. The man was still cowering against the tree, scowling at me with an interesting mixture of hate, understanding, and pity.

  I didn’t know what he knew or why he had that expression on his face but crumpled against the tree, he just looked like an old man. I reached for his hand, pulling him forward without a word. He straightened and dusted his hands on his faded coveralls.

  Darren watched our inter
action and holstered his weapon, evidently deciding that my moment of aggression was over. “As I was saying. Since there’s no way for me to know what you wanted Mr. Yates to tell you, I’m not going to arrest you. You are, however, officially on a leave of absence.”

  “You don’t have the authority to suspend me.” Whatever else I had done, I was a member of the Cypress Creek Police Department, and Hanson worked for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation.

  He had wide-ranging powers, but I doubted fucking with our employment was one of them. Darren didn’t look phased by my words or my scathing tone. He pursed his lips and arched an eyebrow.

  “I’m not suspending you. I’m simply telling you you’re on leave. I think you’ll find that I do have the authority to do that. I don’t want to have to file a report stating the reason for my decision is your threatening or obstructing an ongoing investigation, but I will if I have to.”

  “That won’t be necessary.”

  A note like that would go on my permanent record. I didn’t need Hanson to do me any favors, but he was giving me a way to avoid that happening. Realizing that offer was as good as I could hope to get, I nodded. “I’m taking a leave of absence.”

  Darren grinned, and it seemed genuine. “Excellent. You’ve been working very hard, Officer Lovett. I’m sure you could use the time off. Perhaps get some sleep.”

  Wow. I really had to look like shit if even Hanson was mentioning it. Before I could tell him I would try, he carried on. “And once you’ve gotten some shut-eye, perhaps you should keep in mind that Mr. Yates is simply the groundskeeper here. He’s not the person to get information from. What could he know other than the comings and goings of visitors and others to the cemetery?”

  Giving Yates a polite, yet tight smile, Darren took my arm and led me away from him. “Now if I were you, instead of bothering a batty old man, I would seriously consider looking into some more credible sources of information.”

  “Such as?” I frowned, wary of where he was going with this. It sounded like he was giving me information without actually giving me information. But since he was the one who warned me away from the investigation in the first place, I didn’t know why he would do that.