Hook Me Up (Business Of Love Book 3) Page 18

  By the time I hit send, I was already grinning like an idiot, picturing what my life might look like with Hailey as my woman, not just my friend.

  I could picture myself rolling out of bed half asleep and padding down a long hallway to a yellow baby nursery where our little one was crying. I picked the baby up and went to the kitchen where I warmed up a bottle and propped myself up in one corner of the sofa while doing the early-morning feed so Hailey could sleep in. I could imagine her finding me and the baby asleep on the sofa and her scolding me for not waking her up and promptly cuddling up beside me and resting her cheek on my shoulder.

  Yes. I could picture it all right.

  And I wanted it. I wanted all of it.

  Chapter 31

  Hailey

  After a night of lying awake in bed, staring at my bedroom ceiling, mulling over what I was going to do with my life, I finally managed to catch a couple hours of sleep. But when I woke up to a sunlit bedroom and birds chirping outside my window, I didn’t feel rested at all.

  I felt heavy, like I’d been in a swimming pool for four hours and hadn’t gotten out once, only to find how light the water made me feel when I actually walked on land again.

  I needed more sleep. Hours and hours of more sleep.

  With a groggy sigh, I rolled over and fumbled blindly for my phone on my nightstand. I had a couple of emails from work confirming new login information for when I started back up again on Monday, as well as a confirmation for my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.

  There was also a text message from Jackson that he’d sent around eleven, right when the “do not disturb” feature on my phone turned on. I’d been awake but I hadn’t seen his message.

  My heart skipped in my chest as I clicked on the message to read it.

  The message was simple. He was asking me to come see him at his hotel so we could talk this out. Room number four hundred and six. Checkout at eleven.

  I had two hours.

  Did I want to talk to him? Was I ready for that?

  When are you going to stop being such a coward? You don’t have to be ready. You just have to do it.

  There was a soft knock at the door.

  I pulled my blankets up under my chin and called for my sister to let herself in. She cracked open the door and stuck her head in. She smiled when she saw me.

  “Morning,” she cooed before stepping into my room and sitting down on the end of my bed. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Once I actually fell asleep? Fine. But that didn’t happen until like four in the morning.”

  “You had a lot on your mind.”

  No kidding.

  Hannah gave me a warm smile. “Did you come to any conclusions last night, or do you still need some time to sit with everything?”

  “No, I made my decision.”

  “Oh?”

  It had taken a lot of time but I finally realized there was only one way this was going to end, and it was with me keeping the baby and becoming a mother, my fears be damned.

  “I’m going to keep it.” I rested a hand on my stomach and wondered dimly how long it would take before I started showing. Vanessa started to show around four and a half months. Would my body take longer? Or less time? How much was I going to spend on maternity clothes? Where would I put the crib? How much did diapers cost?

  Hannah grinned and threw herself on top of me for a giant hug. “Really? You’re sure?” She pulled back and gripped my shoulders.

  “I’m sure. I’m keeping the baby whether Jackson and I raise it together or not.”

  Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. “I think you’re making the right decision, for what it’s worth.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re going to be a wonderful mom, Hailey. I can feel it in my bones. And I’ll be the coolest auntie the kid could possibly have. And a free built-in babysitter. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

  “That means a lot to me, Hannah.”

  My sister squealed excitedly and clapped her hands together. She popped up off the bed and began pacing back and forth across the carpet. “I can’t believe this. There’s going to be a baby in our lives in eight months. Maybe less! There’s so much to do. So much to plan! Oh!” She spun to me with wild eyes and rosy cheeks. “Can I plan your baby shower? Please oh please oh please, let me plan the baby shower!”

  My smile was involuntary but genuine. “Of course, you can plan the baby shower.”

  “Excellent! I already have a theme in mind. Oh my God. Are you going to find out the sex before you have the baby? Are you going to start telling people? Are you—”

  “Hannah. Take a breath.”

  Hannah took a deep inhale and exhaled through her mouth. “Sorry. I’m getting a little carried away, aren’t I?”

  “Just a little. One thing at a time, remember? Just because I’m having the baby doesn’t mean I’m any less overwhelmed than I was last night. There’s still a lot to decide. And conversations I have to have before I tell anyone. So you’ll just have to bottle whatever this is back up and hold on to it for a little while. Can you do that?”

  Hannah made a soft squeaking noise and nodded. “This is me holding it in. Inside, atomic bombs filled with confetti are exploding. We’re gonna have a little munchkin running around!”

  I smiled. Her excitement was infectious. “I guess we are. But that’s a long ways off.”

  She scoffed. “I’ve already got cute outfits picked out.”

  “We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  Hannah shrugged. “It’s gonna be a little cutie either way. Assuming the bambino takes after its aunt.”

  “As long as it doesn’t inherit your sense of humor,” I said, smacking her arm lightly.

  She made a face. “We need to find out the sex so we can stop calling it it.”

  “I like it,” I said. “It’s a blank canvas full of endless possibilities.”

  Hannah nodded. “Sounds like someone is finally feeling optimistic about this whole thing.”

  “Oh no, I’m freaking terrified,” I said, laughing. “But I think I’m starting to see the sun shining through the clouds.”

  I pulled back my blankets and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I waited for any potential nausea or dizziness to hit me like it had for the past week, but nothing came. So I got to my feet, indulged in a lazy stretch, and padded toward my bathroom.

  “Where are you going?” Hannah asked.

  “Jackson texted me and asked me to come see him at his hotel. He checks out in less than two hours, so I was just gonna take a quick shower and then head over.”

  “Are you going to tell him what you decided?”

  I paused at the doorway to my bathroom. “Of course.”

  Hannah pumped her fist victoriously in the air and hurried out into the hallway. She called back to me to move my ass and that she would have breakfast ready when I got out of the shower. “You’re growing a baby in that belly! We have to make sure you’re getting proper nutrition. No more of that skipping breakfast nonsense you like to pull. I’m going to take care of you and the little human inside you.”

  I rolled my eyes but smiled as I turned on the hot water of the shower.

  Everything was about to change. But maybe it wouldn’t be as bad or as scary as I initially thought. Maybe this would be the thing I didn’t realize I’d been waiting for. Maybe this was my chance to become someone other than just plain Hailey who worked at the call center and dragged her feet and always wanted more but was afraid to leap.

  Hannah put her car in park outside Jackson’s hotel. Four taxis were parked up ahead of us and guests were piling in and out of the backs of the cars while valet drivers pulled fancier and personally owned vehicles closer to the front doors.

  My stomach was twisted into one big impossible knot.

  Hannah leaned forward to peer past me and up at the front doors of the hotel. She shot me a look and nodded at the front doors with her chin. “Well, are you going in o
r what?”

  I swallowed. “Suddenly, this doesn’t feel like such a great idea.”

  “Jackson flew back to Nashville to tell you he wanted to be with you. And he invited you to come talk to him today. There’s nothing mixed about those signals.”

  I chewed my lower lip. “I don’t know.”

  Hannah shook her head. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty because you’re not always so smart.”

  I barked out a surprised laugh. “Suddenly, I’m feeling a lot more motivated to leave this car.”

  “What would you do without me?”

  “The stakes just feel so high,” I muttered.

  “They are high,” Hannah said simply.

  “That doesn’t help me.”

  “The only thing that’ll help you is going in there and talking to him.” She reached across the center console and unclipped my seatbelt. “Move it.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Get out, or I’ll go up there and do the talking for you.”

  I nodded. “That sounds nice actually.”

  “No,” she said. “I’ll be making all kinds of dirty promises on your behalf. Like dirty. Like butt stuff.”

  Grudgingly, I got out of the car and closed the door. I leaned over to glare at my sister through the rolled-down window. “You’re a bully. You know that?”

  “Just giving you the push you needed, little sister. I’m going up the block to the coffee shop. Text me when you’re done and I can come get you. Or not.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to offer a smart-ass response, but she drove off before I had the chance, leaving me to face the hotel and take the necessary steps to go inside and find the elevators.

  As I rode them up to the fourth floor, my nerves became more and more intense.

  This is a dumb idea.

  The floors climbed and the illuminated number on the panel above the door rolled over from one to two.

  Why would Jackson want to throw his lot in with me? I’m already more woman than he likes to take to bed and I’m only going to keep expanding as this baby grows.

  The doors chimed and opened when I reached the fourth floor. I stepped out into the hall and followed the arrows on the walls to my right, which led to Jackson’s room. The carpet beneath my feet was squishy with a foam underlay. The emerald green was broken up with diamond patterns in ruby reds and sapphires blues. It was tacky as hell but not as tacky as the pictures on the walls of bowls of fruit and other generic household items.

  My stomach heaved. Is this morning sickness or my nerves?

  I found Jackson’s room and stopped in front of his door.

  What if he wants to talk so he can end it? What if he doesn’t want me? What if he wants to close the door on this and go back to New York with a clean slate and a clear head? What if you aren’t enough?

  I closed my eyes. “Stop this. This is Jackson you’re talking about.”

  I opened my eyes, lifted my fist, and rapped my knuckles on the door.

  Chapter 32

  Jackson

  When I heard the knock on the door, I wondered if it was Hailey or room service. I checked through the peephole and saw Hailey standing out in the hall looking worried.

  I smiled. She had nothing to worry about. I was going to make everything better. I was going to fix this. She just needed to hold on a little longer.

  I pulled open the door. “Hey. Come in.” I stepped aside to let her pass.

  Hailey’s shoulder brushed mine and she stopped when she was in the room to turn back to me. She offered me an unsure smile and I closed the door.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked.

  Hailey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Nervous.”

  “Don’t be nervous. I have something for you. I think you’re going to like it.”

  “Can I talk to you first?”

  “Of course.” I moved to the bed and sat down. I patted the spot beside me. “Sit.”

  Hailey sat down beside me. She crossed one leg over the other and then uncrossed it. I waited while she tried to get comfortable, but eventually, she gave up and faced me. “I made a decision about the baby.”

  “Oh.”

  Whatever her choice, I would stand by her. No matter what. But I couldn’t help the flutter of worried anticipation.

  Hailey swallowed. “I’m… I’m going to keep it.”

  Yes. Relief washed over me. “That’s good news.”

  “You think?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Absolutely. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I was trying to take your choice away or like I was pushing you in one direction over the other. I was caught off guard and I was thinking about myself and what I wanted. Not what this meant for you. I never meant to bulldoze you like that, Hails. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. A bomb got dropped on you. I shouldn’t have expected a rehearsed reaction.”

  “Does this mean we’re good?” I asked.

  Hailey nodded. “I think it does. But Jackson, we have so much to talk about. I don’t know what this means long term or how we’re going to juggle this. It’s going to take some serious thought. I mean, you live in New York now. And my life is here. Somehow, we’re going to have to meet in the middle.”

  “Hold that thought.” I stood and pulled her to her feet beside me. “I have something out on the balcony for you.”

  Hailey’s eyes slid to the patio doors. The blinds were currently closed so she couldn’t see what I’d put together outside.

  “What are you up to?” she asked worriedly.

  “Bear with me. You’ll like it.” I led her away from the bed and across the room to the doors. I unlocked the latch and pulled the door open. A cool breeze tugged at the curtains and we shielded our eyes against the sunny morning sky as we stepped out.

  Down below was the hotel swimming pool. The sound of children laughing and splashing carried up to our room and a bartender ran a blender somewhere down below, most likely stirring up a morning smoothie.

  Hailey stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the words written in tealight candles on the balcony floor at our feet.

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “I thought you would make it over last night and this would have been much more romantic at night. But you’re here now and I can’t wait.”

  I paused and turned to her so I could take a knee. I still held her hand in mine. Her palm was warm and reassuring, and as I gazed up at her, I knew without a shadow of a doubt this was what I wanted.

  “I know this is scary,” I said, “and that we’re facing a lot of unknowns. But we’ve been up against it before and always prevailed together. You’re my person. You’ve been my person since we had pimples and used to drink orange soda with raspberry vodka and think it tasted good. I want you by my side until we’re old and gray. And even though we’re not doing this in the traditional order, I want a family with you. I want this.”

  Hailey blinked down at me. Her lips moved but no sound came out.

  She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out.

  That was when I knew I’d fucked up.

  Hailey’s eyes fluttered open and focused on me. “Jackson. What is this?”

  I frowned down at the words written in candles on the balcony floor. “Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? It’s a proposal. I know it’s no tropical beach vacation with rose petals but it’s the best I could do on such short notice.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” I asked in disbelief. “What do you mean, why?”

  “Why did you do this? Did you think this was what I wanted?”

  This was a trap. I knew immediately that there was no right way for me to answer that question. What I thought was the best decision I’d made in the last five years was suddenly a huge error, and as I knelt in front of her trying to process how to bail myself out of this, Hailey pressed her hands to her forehead and slicked her hair back in exasperation.

  “This isn’t what I want, Jacks
on. I don’t want to marry you just because that’s what people do when they’re having a baby. When I get married, I want it to be real. And true. And steady. I don’t want to rush it. And I definitely don’t want it to be because of circumstance. I don’t want the person I marry to propose simply because he feels like he has to.”

  My heart tore in half.

  “That’s not what I’m doing,” I breathed.

  Hailey shook her head. “This isn’t right. You and I both know this isn’t right. You never would have done this if there wasn’t a baby. Tell me I’m wrong.”

  Shit. “You’re not wrong, but—”

  Hailey held up a hand to silence me. “Please don’t. This hurts, Jack. This really hurts.”

  “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.” Why was hurting her all I seemed capable of lately? Maybe she would be better off without me. At the rate I was going, I was only getting started, and sooner or later, I’d cut her too deep for her to forgive me.

  What if that had already happened?

  What if it was happening right now?

  My heart hammered away in my chest like a desperate little drummer boy as I stared up at the woman I loved. “I was trying to make a grand gesture to show you I’m here for you. And that I’m head over heels for you. I just—fuck me—I didn’t know it until I thought I’d lost it. And I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth. I love you, Hailey. I always have. I was just too blind to see what was right in front of my face until now.”

  “That doesn’t make this okay.”

  I got to my feet and reached for her hands. Hailey pulled away and moved to the railing of the balcony. She leaned over it, resting her elbows on the cool metal, and gazed down at the kids playing in the pool.

  I stood beside her and tried to think of the right thing to say.

  I realized there probably wasn’t a right thing to say.

  “What do you need?” I asked.